Slumber Sagas

Groovy Valentine's Day

2012-02-13T18:10:00.000-08:00

Eliza and I spent some time tonight getting her valentine's ready for her after-school Montessori class' valentine's celebration tomorrow. It's not going to be anything big. The kids will get to exchange their valentines, and their teacher is serving some bread and fruit... but for Montessori kids it's BIG! haha...

Eliza demonstrated to me how she plans to pass out her valentine's to her classmates tomorrow. Hint: It involves mostly skipping around her trampoline... not sure how that will translate for tomorrow, but it looks super fun!

I just had a moment where I thought about last year when I tried to get Eliza to be "involved" in the Valentine card making by drawing/scribbling on the valentine, and maybe, if I was really lucky, coaxing a letter E out of her.

This year she wrote out her whole name. 22 times! She often turns her Z's into S's.

I also found out about a peculiar talent/skill of Eliza's... she can write her name backwards and upside down! Weird Da Vinci styled! I noted that when I wrote her friends' names on the valentine and then flipped it upside down for her to write her name on it, she would write hers backwards & upside down. So then I just had her write her name on the cards before I wrote the child's name.

(she wrote this upside down!!)

I was pretty pleased that Eliza ended up choosing some Tye-Dye Peace Valentines that came with little temporary tattoos (We're really into tattoos around here these days). We also got princess cards but didn't end up using them! (not yet at least).

I had trouble trying to explain to Eliza some of the phrases from her hippy valentines, such as... "You're groovy!"

"You're far Out!"

"Right On!"

"Your Out of Sight!"

"You're Way Out!"

All I could come up with is that they meant, "You're really cool..." So hopefully that's the message that Eliza wants to send out to her not-square Montessori friends.

Have a Groovy Valentine's everyone!

Home "sick!"

2012-02-11T10:02:00.000-08:00

Eliza got pink eye this week, so I had to keep her home and torture her by inflicting her with eye drops and benadryl. She kinda looked like she had two black eyes. This picture doesn't capture just how PINK her eyes started out looking...

But by the time Tuesday around lunch time rolled around, she clearly was not feeling too sick...

She came up with this creative rock star costume/pose all herself!!

I will often say, "Eliza, you crack me up!"

and Eliza will say to me, "Mom, you crack ME up!"

I just love her creative spirit!

Thoughts on Sleep

2012-02-11T09:52:00.000-08:00

I started reading the book, "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Pre-schoolers." Something I really liked about the book is that the author starts out the book by saying that if the only "problem" that you and your child are having with sleep is that other people are telling you the way you do it is wrong, then you don't actually have a problem! I thought that was cool, and I definitely agree!

One of my daughter's struggles is that she seems overly sleepy some days at school, which her dad and I think might be more of a behavioral issue, as in, "Eliza it's time to clean up your toys," and Eliza's response is, "I'm sooo sleepy!"

The main thing I'm concerned about is that Eliza wakes up in the middle of the night crying in her sleep. This is REALLY sad to witness. I ask her what's wrong, and she cries that she doesn't know. I rub her back or stroke her legs, and she seems to calm down but wakes back up crying again after five minutes.

People keep telling me it's because she can't comfort herself at these times and that's why it's happening, but the wake-ups almost seem like a version of night terrors to me? Because she does not seem to be fully awake when it happens.

I think lots of times instead of crying like that she will get up and climb into bed with me, which I recently realized I'm okay with. Our issue, though, is that she lives at her dad's house too and doesn't climb into bed with him, so people tell me that I'm not being consistent and it's MY issue since apparently she doesn't do it at her dad's house... (and honestly I've told myself that too).

I'm going to try to continue to educate myself on the information that's out there, but I'm starting to feel like I will listen to other's opinions on children's sleep "must-do's," but continue to allow Eliza to come climb into bed with me if that's where she finds comfort.

Crash

2011-12-26T17:50:00.000-08:00

Last Tuesday, Katy and I were at the library with the kids, and when it was time to leave, Eliza begged me to drive home with Katy, Reuben, and Miriam. I tried to convince her to ride with me so that Katy wouldn't be stuck with three loud kiddos the whole drive home from Columbia. Katy told me it would be okay for her to drive with her, though, and Eliza was happy.

So on my way home, I was sitting, stopped at a red light when I heard a loud CRACK.

In a blur, I was aware that I had slammed my foot further down on the brake but felt my car get like thrown forward and crashed into the car in front of me. My head and neck, especially, h

ad been flung forward and as my car came to a stop, I was disoriented and the world was blurred. I tried to look around and was really confused until I realized that my glasses had been thrown off. I felt around until I found them on the ground.

(A big white truck that was hauling a bobcat on a trailer behind me had slammed into me-- I still don't know why, but he's been charged with a failure to yield...)

I looked around me and saw my belongings thrown askew and could feel myself shaking. Other people got out of their cars and someone asked me if I was okay. I kept telling people I was okay

but started crying for a bit, I think just from the shock of it.

I found my phone and with shaky fingers called the person that I always call when things like this happen. I called Dad. Told him I didn't know what to do, and he talked me through some things to do... and I was very grateful that I had someone to call at that time.

Because of my sharp neck pain and colossal headache, the EMT's put me in a neck brace and strapped me to a board on a stretcher and took me to urgent care. It was nice to be cared for, but the hard board and tight neck brace had me feeling confused about what was hurting me worse, the safety precautions or my actual pain. When I got to ER, my dad and mom were

waiting for me. No broken bones, and I was given pain meds and muscle relaxants and sent on

my way.

I guess my little Honda Civic is totaled, although things have been put on hold because of the holiday weekend (and that the driver who hit me not answering his phone or reporting the accident to his insurance yet. Yay for my Statefarm agent.)

On an upside, my insurance got me a rental car. I asked for something fuel efficient and the rental car employee gave me a Dodge Challenger:

I'm definitely not a muscle car person, but the car has been kind of fun. The fast acceleration is pleasant.

I've had a LOT of neck and back pain. My family helped me out a lot, especially with caring for Eliza, so I spent the night at Mom and Dad's the rest of the week. That ended up being neat, though, because I think I ended up getting to spend more time with my siblings who were all home for Christmas and my parents. It was funny to be back down in my basement again! HAh! It's been surprising to be very aware of all the different ways you bend and use your back muscles. I came back home last night, and I think I overdid it this morning with Eliza because my back has been cramping up and spasming some this afternoon.

Ironically, staying in one place can be the most painful thing. I've had trouble sleeping for any long period of time because I wake up in pain. Makes me have new empathy for those with back problems because what I usually do to stretch now make me cramp up and trying to pick up a 35 lb four year old leaves me an out of breath mess.

Enough whining, though.

Bottom line, I am so immensely grateful that by some serendipity, Eliza was not driving with me when this accident happened.

Now to fight with the insurance company. :(

Take a "Non-violence Self Inventory"

2011-12-05T19:47:00.000-08:00

I listened to a very interesting speaker at the Unitarian Universalist church I've been going to lately. He spoke about "Advent- yours and non-violence" about how we as individuals could implement more peace in our lives.

He began by referencing Gandhi's Seven Deadly Sins, which I found very thought provoking and inspiring:

Wealth without Work
Pleasure without Conscience
Science without Humanity
Knowledge without Character
Politics without Principle
Commerce without Morality
Worship without Sacrifice

Then he handed out a "Non-violence Self Inventory" that I found very interesting and gave me a chance to do a little introspection with, especially as it relates to my moral beliefs about violence. Clearly it has some subjective content, but without saying who he is, readers should know that he has spent his career as a professor that studies pacifism/sociology/social justice, activism.

So without further ado....I thought I'd share the inventory here on my blog!

See where you are with reference to the following questions:

1. Have you ever been the recipient of physical violence?

2. Have you ever initiated an act of violence which caused real injury?

3. Have you ever witnessed an act of violence which caused real injury?

4. Do you drive a larger car than you really need?

5. Have you recently indulged in road rage? What triggered it?

6. Have you driven over the speed limit in the last two weeks?

7. Do you advocate (and have practiced) spanking of children?

8. What's your position on abortion?

9. Have you, in the last two weeks, yelled in anger at anyone? Who?

10. Have you ever taken the risk of driving when you've had too much to drink?

11. How's your diet? A. I am an unabashed carnivore B. I'm a carnivore, but I try to eat less red meat than I used to. C. No red meat, but chicken and seafood are OK. D. No chikcen or red meat, but seafood's OK. E. Vegetarian. F. Vegan. G. I only eat what otherwise would be thrown out. H. I beg for food. I. Other

12. Do you believe in capital punishment? If so, for what crimes, and by what methods?

13. Are you a pacifist?

14. Did you think that the United States and Britain were right in launching an attack on Iraq? Have the results supported your convictions?

15. Do you give to any charities which are specifically targeted against violence? Which ones?

16. Do you advocate a complete nuclear test ban?

17. Do you advocate the cessation of all production of nuclear weaponry?

18. Do you believe that all existing nuclear weapons should be destroyed?

19. Do you have more clothes in your closet than most of your peers?

20. Do you own a gun? For what purpose? Are you a hunter?

21. Do you keep your temperature (when you can regulate it) lower than 75 in the summer or higher than 65 in the winter?

22. Do you consistently recycle?

23. Have you ever participated in an active protest against some form of violence? What activity?

24. Have you ever written a letter of concern about something related to non-violence? What was the issue? To whom did you write?

25. Do you think that the war in Vietnam was a "just war?"

26. Do you think that Gandhi and/or King were impractical idealists?

27. Have you told a lie to anyone in the last two weeks?

28. Have you ever tried to break up a fight, or witnessed one and didn't act?

29. Do you think that sexual offenders, once released, should be identified to the community in any way? Similarly, with other offenders?

30. Have you received unwelcome attention by anyone in the last few weeks?

31. Have you given unwelcome attention to anyone in the last few weeks?

32. Do you smoke?

33. Do you support the principle of euthanasia?

What other questions would you add to this list? Which items don't belong on it?

He spoke about how he felt that "adventing non-violence" would be most effectively accomplished in people's lives if they consistently involved themselves in inter-faith activities (harmonious discussions among different faiths on how to contribute to their community and the needy) and participating in service learning activity and charitable giving.

I greatly enjoyed the questions he posed, and the over-all tone of his words and content. Yummy philosophizing to savor!

May I Never Fail a Friend...

2011-11-28T09:39:00.000-08:00

May I never fail a friend.

May I respect myself.

May I always keep tame that which rages within me.

May I accustom myself to be gentle and never be angry with others because of circumstances.

Singing the Living Tradition #521

Poor Eliza has been very sick!

2011-10-31T19:22:00.000-07:00

We made a tent to help pass the inside-sick-day time!

She had a cold for about a week, just an upper respiratory thing with no fever, but I kept her home from school last Monday just to try to help her keep her reserve up, and I was recovering from Thrush (yeah, didn't know adults got that too!).

Then last Friday, after playing at the park, she took my hand and told me that she wasn't feeling well and was ready to go home, which seemed unusual but I thought maybe she was just tired. When we got home, I turned on a show for her, and she lay there under a blanket with her head on her penguin pillow, not moving for easily a half hour!! Very un-eliza-like! I kept checking on her to see if she was really awake. She was, though.

That night about a half hour after she fell asleep, I heard her crying loudly and went into her room to find her holding one of her ears and moaning, "It hurts! It hurts! Ow!" It was soo sad to hear her and see her like that. I gave her some tylenol, and she woke up one more time just crying and moaning about how much she hurt. It was terrible!

Then next morning Eliza was able to go into the clinic and see the most amazing nurse

practitioner in the world, her Oma! Turned out that Eliza had one mean looking ear infection in her left ear AND thrush!! The sores had been hiding UNDER her tongue, and they look sooo terrible!

On Saturday afternoon, in an attempt to convince her to take some medicine, I turned off the TV and took away the IPAD and said she could watch another show once she took her medicine. She went up to her room. After a few minutes, I didn't hear anything so I went upstairs and she had climbed into her bed and fallen asleep! This is NOT Eliza!!! Never has she just put herself down for a nap (or to bed). She did the same thing on Sunday too, only on the couch. So I know she is really feeling sick!

I feel so terrible because I know she caught the thrush from me! With my thrush I couldn't eat for days and my gums swoll up so painfully, and it felt like pins and needles were stabbing into my gums constantly! I couldn't even eat muffins or croissants without hurting! And very cold liquids felt like stabbing pains too. So now Eliza starts sobbing any time she puts anything in her mouth besides water. It's so sad. She's barely eaten anything at all the past two days!!! Her fever and earache have subsided for the most part at least!

She's headed over to her dad's house tomorrow because I can't miss any more work, but my heart is breaking for her! What's worse is that it is a huge battle just getting her to even take any of her medicine! Unfortunately it hasn't worked to just sit down and explain to her rationally that if she wants to get better and stop hurting, she needs to take some yucky tasting medicine that hurts to put in her mouth. Apparently it worked better when Steve told her she could jump on him if the medicine tasted bad. I guess she was too busy sobbing to actually take him up on the offer after she took the medicine, though, so Steve lucked out there! I've been trying regular old bribery and removal of privileges. Boring me!

It's especially bad luck, though, that this sickness hit on Halloween weekend. She missed out on several parties due to being so ill. She was devastated to find out that she missed the annual Pine Island Halloween Carnival on Friday, so Steve and I went ahead and had her get dressed up tonight and took her trick or treating so she wouldn't totally miss out on the halloween experience that she's been so looking forward to for months! She had us carry her the whole time, and she could barely manage to say "Trick or Treat" around her swollen mouth! So sad. You can tell from the picture that she was DEFINITELY not feeling like herself!

But still a beautiful Rapunzel princess!

Here's hoping she feels better very soon! Keep her in your prayers, please!

In Love Made Visible

2011-10-31T19:02:00.000-07:00

by May Swenson

In love are we made visible

As in a magic bath

are unpeeled

to the sharp pit

so long concealed

With love's alertness

we recognize

the soundless whimper

of the soul

behind the eyes

A shaft opens

and the timid thing

at least leaps to surface

with full-spread wing

The fingertips of love discover

more than the body's smoothness

They uncover a hidden conduit

for the tranfusion

of empathies that circumvent

the mind's intrusion

In love we are set free

Objective bone

and flesh no longer insulate us

to ourselves alone

We are released

and flow into each other's cup

Our two frail vials pierced

drink each other up

Venerating

2011-10-16T18:16:00.000-07:00

My dear childhood friend, Amber, passed away three years ago this week. I finally made it over to her grave this evening and brought some flowers with me that were given to me by a friend... (it felt right to pass on the love, especially since I've been exploring the philosophy of love not being a commodity but having an infinite capacity, so the flowers got to take a concrete shape for the fluidity of loving emotion).

I had Eliza with me. In times past when I've gone to visit Amber's grave, I've made sure Eliza was elsewhere. I didn't want to freak her out by trying to explain what a graveyard was or mostly by exposing her to her mother breaking down in sobs. However, this year she seemed duly intelligent enough and I felt emotionally equipped enough to avoid the freak-age.

Tonight, I explained to her that the cemetery was a special, sacred place where people remember their loved ones. (I had previously explained to her about my dear friend who had died) She asked to carry the flowers, and I let her. She asked me to tell her the names on the other graves, and I read some of them to her. She seemed interested and able to comprehend the importance of that place, even though at first she thought that this was where the people died at. Oops.

But Eliza aptly described the experience as we were walking between the graves, "Mom, this is percent 100 sad." I read a name out to Eliza and she told me it was the name of one of her friends at school, but reminded me of her best friend's name. I shared with her that Amber had been my best friend since I was little, and that we had been in classes together at school and played together, and then I got choked up and stopped talking.

Eliza helped place the flowers into the vase on Amber's grave, and I sniffled while I told Eliza that she reminded me of Amber in some ways-- how silly she was and how much she loved to sing and what a beautiful voice Amber had and how she loved to perform for people!

So you won't be surprised that at this point in my blog post, I choose to venerate my friend by indulging in a couple of Amber vignettes.

Silly Songs

Amber had been taking voice lessons and invited me to her recital. Her dad drove me, and we

sat in a dimly lit church gym on metal chairs with the rest of the singers' families-- reluctant siblings, doting parents with camcorders, and snoozing off grandparents. The musical selections were unoriginal but cute. When it was Amber's turn, I could not believe that there could have been a song selection that was more perfectly fit for Amber. Amber, my adorable, somewhat prurient, boy crazy friend was given the role as Annie from the musical "Oklahoma." For those of you who aren't sufficiently schooled in your musical trivia, Annie is a girl who sings, "I'm just a girl who cain't say no!" and ends up getting kissed at the end of the song. I was a bashful 14 year old at the time and definitely blushed at the end of the song but couldn't help but beam at my best friend's performance. It was the role of a lifetime for her! I still find myself smiling thinking about it.

Amber introduced me to Celine Dion. Now, I probably could have been perfectly happy in my life without ever encountering Celine Dion. But the Titanic movie came to theaters when Amber and I were about 13, and Amber was in love! She was in love with Leonardo DiCaprio, the drama, the costumes, and especially the music. She found ways to act out the "Jack, I'm flying" scene (where Kate Winslet shows off her arm spreading skills at the edge of the boat) more than I would have thought humanly possible. But whenever I went over to Amber's house that year, we would turn the volume up on her teeny boom box as high as we could, and she would belt out along with Celine's vocals until her mother would come tell her to turn it down or her brother would bang on the wall and yell for her to shut up.

I was an overly serious adolescent and teen, and Amber always helped me loosen up. We would spend hours down in my classy basement room that I had decked out with a red tinted light bulbs and Christmas lights all year long. We would sing and dance our hearts out to Hanson's, "Mmm Bop!" and draw in magic marker all over my plywood desktop, discussing how many kids we would have someday, how Amber planned to become an actress, and how to get our hands on more clothes from The Limited II. And then dance and sing some more to Hansen. Glamorous.

Years later, I had just gotten my license, and Amber and I had stayed out past curfew to see The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. Our blood was pumped full of angsty teenage adrenaline from breaking rules, so we rolled the windows in my little '93 Toyota Tercel and turned the music up as loud as we could as we sped across the Lake Murray Dam. In her carefree and passionate way, Amber somehow convinced me that the best thing we could do at that time was to take our shirts off to re-enact a scene from the movie and yell, "Ya-yaaaa!" out the windows. She went for it, but I being the prudish-good-little mormon girl that I was, found it to be daring enough just to take off my t-shirt and just wear my white tank top to join her in the "Ya-ya!" cry of independence and autonomy. We both got grounded. Totally worth it.

There were darker times for both Amber and myself, but we lived through them together, pulled each other through. Amber's life ended on a dark note. I think I mourn the most for her when happy, exultant surprises or occasions arise in my life because I think about how she should still be alive enjoying those moments as well, especially since she was SO so good at acutely experiencing life, being in love, singing her heart out.

Sometimes I think that because of her passion, maybe she had already sucked all the marrow out of life, and that made her ready to move on. Some people could live 90+ years and not experience anywhere near the emotional magnitude that Amber experienced in her 23 years on this earth....

On my way to the cemetery tonight, I played the song that I remember last blasting through my car stereo and singing on the top of my lungs to WITH AMBER. Originally, Amber thought that the song was called "Ambers and Envelopes" and we laughed when we found out the true name was "Embers and Envelopes." The song was surprisingly apropos and is what convinced me to go ahead and write some of my feelings out here...

"Embers and Envelopes" by Mae

We write to apologize

We ask to look past life as it goes by

I know you have sacrificed Time, life, love- time to fly

Please consider all things trite

Forgiveness will be the thing that gets us by

I know to have something like this broken is hard to fix

Embers- we're burning bridges down

Envelopes- stuffed with feelings found

We write things down as means to reconcile

We write to patch things up

Maybe not to agree but to proclaim love

Let's look ahead and then

We'll see the One whose glory never ends

And based on that we'll see

There will be room for change but gradually

I know to have something like this broken is hard to fix

If all is said and done and over

If we don't have to We're not going to

Make the change it's worth a try

What's broken can be fixed tonight

As Eliza and I walked back to the car, I picked her up and gave her a big hug, and she squeezed me back tight. She told me that when she looked up at the sky it made her think about Heavenly Father and all the people that have died. We talked about families being forever. Surely a merciful god would allow me to someday see my dear friend again... surely this just, compassionate God would have a plan that would make it so Amber is no longer suffering right now but finally feeling peace, finally feeling ENOUGH love.

I miss you, Amber Alice.

A Mother of Four Has Died...

2011-05-31T20:10:00.001-07:00

I work with a lot of amazing mother's in my job at The Nurturing Center (http://thenurturingcenter.org/), but one in particular is truly in need of our prayers and support right now. She has been a single mother of four boys (ages 6, 5, 3, & 2) and has weathered a LOT of heartache in her life, especially in losing her own mother as a young adult.

However, last Friday morning, her only real family, her younger sister, passed away. Sharon Lynetta Gleaton was also a single mother of four children fought the pain and sickness of cancer for longer than the doctors thought she could and led a life filled with a lot of pain and struggle.

My client is now caring for her own four children plus three of her sister's children. If there is ANYTHING you can give or donate, their family would truly appreciate it. They are in need of twin beds and bedding, diapers sizes 4-6, food, kids clothing, and especially monetary donations to pay for Sharon Lynetta Gleaton's funeral expenses. As you know, the funeral expenses, embalming, caskets, etc., are extremely expensive. If you have any small bit to give, this family would be so grateful for your help.

You can make a check directly to

McCollom-Myers Mortuary

5003 Rhett St.

Columbia, SC 29204 Tel: 803.735.1205

http://www.mccollom-myers.com/Obituaries.html

or to

Lakersha Gleaton

or to me, Amy Meldau, 1332 Pickens Street, Columbia, SC 29201.

Also, if you have any items that you would be willing to donate, you can drop them off at my work, The Nurturing Center 1332 Pickens Street, Columbia, SC 29201, or I would be more than willing to pick them up from you!

Witnessing my client grieve for the loss of her sister while trying to be brave and strong for these children has humbled me and made my heart hurt! This family's situation has been one that's certainly made me reflect at how small my day to day irritations and worries are in the grand scheme of things...

Thank you in advance for your compassion and generosity towards this family that is struggling and grieving for this great loss.

Caution: Gripe

2011-04-28T21:18:00.000-07:00

I didn't want to post this rant on Facebook and start any sort of facebook war or discussion, but since most of you who read my blog are my close friends or family, I'll say it here:

I am FED UP with get charged high bills for pre-existing conditions. WHY oh WHY!?! Why do I have to pay hundreds of dollars to receive treatment for being sick? I am supposedly "fully insured." But then I get a $172 bill from Doctor's Care where I went to get a REFILL on two prescriptions.

No worries, though. I'll just pay the bill off quick with all the big money I'm making at my social work job that's on furlough because of the economy/lack of funding for abused and neglected children.

Also of note, my client's sister is dying of lung cancer. Stage 4 right now. But medicaid will only pay a certain amount of money per month for her care, so even though she's in terrible pain and unstable, the hospital sends her home to her four kids, age 5 to 10, without enough pain medicine to subsist in a perpetual state of semi-consciousness.

At least her situation makes me feel a little less sorry for myself...

I hear her story, and one word was all I could come up with: Inhumane.

I personally just hate that we have a health system that functions as a for-profit structure. Ugh.

Ok, I'm done! I promise. At least for now! haha.

The End.

Welcome Home

2011-04-26T19:19:00.000-07:00

Robby's coming home tonight. The pic above is the sign I taped to our front hall mirror.

He'll only be here for about four weeks... and this is probably the last time we'll really be able to say, "Welcome Home," because after this, he'll head off to be wed in Arizona... and this will never be his "home" in quite the same way.

We're all super excited for him and for his wedding and Amanda; however, I know we'll all be savoring this last bit of time we have him here with us.

Welcome home, little bro.

A great date!

2011-04-17T18:42:00.001-07:00

Eliza refused to smile in these pictures, at least with her eyes open, but we caught some cute ones anyways!

I love these pictures. We took them in a photo booth at the mall. Eliza is my BEST little buddy when it comes to running errands, going on trips, shopping, walks, game playing, etc! She's a great date to say the least, and she's always up for some type of fun adventure! I love it!

She, of course, had her times where she tried to run off and hide in the clothing racks or demands a treat, but she has gotten so great these days. She's (usually) really good about staying where she can see me, and we work out a deal where she can choose one treat (usually under a dollar).

Plus, she's so wonderful about holding my hand.

It's pretty sweet to have such a cutie to hold hands with wherever I go! I'm lucky enough to also get lots and lots of hugs and cuddles too! Occasionally, I let her sleep in bed with me or lie down with her while I tell her a pretend story (ugh!), and she'll sweetly put her arm around my neck and giggle sweetly in my face as she gives me an eskimo kiss.

She's a good 35 lbs, but she still really loves to be carried or get a piggy back ride, but she gets heavy fast these days when she demands to be carried or falls and needs some extra love.

The other night I was watching the new Karate Kid with Jayden Smith (which I ended up really liking, btw). But something random that I thought of while watching it was how the little 13 yr old never wants to talk to his mom, is always mad at her and always shuts his door on her. It made me think, at what point do your kids change from wanting you to hold them, hug them, and play with them ALL the TIME --to-- shutting you almost completely out of their lives?

I posed this question out loud, and my mom quickly responded, "About 12 years old." She appeared pretty familiar with the concept. (Twinge of guilt there)

So there's just one more thing to dread in the teenage years! In the mean time, I'll try to savor Eliza's cuddles, kisses, and "Mom, I think you're the greatest mom in the whole world; I love you with ALL MY HEART!" (direct Eliza quote).

I love you with ALL MY HEART too, Eliza Mae.

Look who we found!

2011-04-17T16:31:00.000-07:00

We stumbled into a shelter on Pine Island at the Easter Festival yesterday, and look what we found!

Eliza's with Steve for Easter next week, so it was fun to be able to take Eliza to this little festival... I still wanna hide some eggs for her at some point, but I'm not sure what to do since I won't have her until the day after. But the next week is birthday time! Woo-hoo!

Oh, and she loved the Easter bunny. She wanted to give (him/her/it) all of the prizes she had won at the festival... She sure is cute this Easter! I was pretty excited that the picture turned out, especially because of the craziness of school pictures (story for another post!).

Happy Easter everybody!

ABBY'S 18th BDAY & CONFERENCE RENDEZVOUS

2011-04-11T17:29:00.000-07:00

We decided to meet Katy & Aaron and company halfway-ish in between Maryland (where they are) and SC (where we are) on conference weekend, which is April 2nd and 3rd. Abby turned 18 on April 2nd! We spent most of the time in a hotel. Originally we thought of camping, but then decided it was too cold and some people didn't want to camp with the youngin's (::cough::dad::). I think a good time was had by all! We sure miss seeing Katy, Aaron, Reuben, and Miriam!!!!

Abby's Bday Dinner

(Our conference broadcast! Fancy!)

Meldau Rendezvous: Park Edition

2011-04-11T16:57:00.000-07:00

Oma with two of her three grandkids!

We spent a beautiful Sunday morning at the park together before we all departed!

Yay Family! We were even able to play a cheerful game of Little Brown Bear before we left! A Meldau tradition (besides the cheerful part- when we were little, it often ended in tears- jk, sorta)! It was a great time for all!

We just wish Robby & Amanda could have been there!

Show Me Your Pearly Whites!

2011-04-05T19:19:00.000-07:00

The look of SUCCESS:Yesterday Eliza persevered through her first "real" dentist appointment!
(We visited a dentist last July, but Eliza refused to really even open her mouth for more than a minute and so they definitely weren't able to do a cleaning to say the least.)

She was adorable and a VERY good sport! I did lots of prepping her- read books about Dora going to the dentist, showing her the dentist's website (which is really cute), and talking with her about what would happen when she went. I chose a pediatric only dentist since Eliza struggled last time, and I'm really glad I did. All of the workers were so sweet to her and actually talked TO and WITH Eliza, and they weren't busy at all!

And she had NO cavities! Hooray! I was having nightmares about her needing caps or something, I don't know. I feel like I've heard about or read about SEVERAL different kids whether through friends or work whose child's teeth are rotted or needing oral surgery, and I was thinking- what if we go in and all of Eliza's teeth are rotten!!! But thankfully my ban on sugary drinks, no drinks at bedtime, no bottle after age one, and daily teeth brushing has helped! Yay!

At one point, when the dental hygienist was leaning over Eliza, Eliza quietly said, "You're beautiful." The hygienist told Eliza that she had just made her day and told her that she could have TWO toys from the treasure box for that one! haha. I am glad to have a sweet girl, though!

And of course, Eliza was sure to invite everyone in the office to her birthday party!!

Eliza the monkey

2011-03-21T21:10:00.000-07:00

The person who was handling the camera (who will not be named) was supposed to be just taking a picture, not a video, but when I watched it, I cracked up!

Lovely 'Liza

2011-03-21T21:09:00.000-07:00

She's a character, and always "in character." Whether it be Cinderella, Repunzel, Miriam, a cat, etc., etc.!

She cracks me up!

Yay for Springtime!

2011-03-21T21:05:00.000-07:00

Eliza and I decided to enjoy the sunshiny weather outside and "wash" the car! Eliza opted to pull out her bathing suit for the occasion and wanted me to spray her with the hose water while she ran around on the lawn! It was a blast!

There's a video to come! If I get get blogger to cooperate with me!!!

To whom it may interest: My talk I gave in church last Sunday

2011-03-16T21:11:00.000-07:00

I truly feel humbled to be asked to give this talk today. I shared my misgivings with my family this week as I prepared, telling them I felt INCAPABLE or Overwelmed or underwhelmed. I thought of calling the bishop and talking to him to tell him that they certainly asked the wrong person to give this talk. I played that scenario out in my mind thinking of what Bishop Pace might say when I told him that I didn't think I had enough faith to give a talk about increasing our faith in Jesus Christ. The impression came to me that he might suggest the perfect solution would be to spend hours studying the scriptures and conference talks on faith... So I continued on, still anxious. I even had stress dreams where I ended up at church and had forgotten to prepare my talk or couldn't find the talks I had researched. As I started to do more work on
the talk, I realized that the word that truly described how I felt about giving this talk was HUMBLED.

As I researched I found words from Elder Scott that said "Humility is that quality that permits us to be taught from on high through the Spirit to be given Divine inspiration to accomplish His inspired will." So I have humbly prayed to communicate what He would have me to share.

Faith has never come easily to me-- I was a stalwart member while I was a teen- probably a little over confident in my faith. Then adulthood came, living on your own, financial strain, jobs, marriage, a baby, divorce, heartache, grief over the death of one of my dearest friends to suicide, poor health- REAL LIFE- and it slapped that over-confidence right out of me. And though I still have sincere faith in my Savior, I have much less confidence in myself.

I felt like life was like Elder Uchtdorf described in one of his talks on faith from last conference: "The continual bombardment of messages [from the world] may cause confusion, doubt, and pessimism, each attacking the fundamental truths we believe in, our faith in God, and our hope in the future."

I have struggled in my life to have hope for the future and to hold on to the fundamentals of the Gospel. When I discovered myself wavering, I was shocked. How could I, someone who was SO SURE of the gospel, struggle?

As I was studying for this talk, I read the amazing talk by Richard G. Scott, The Transforming Power of Faith and Character. In his discussion on faith he described exactly how I felt. He said:

"I have personally verified that concepts like faith, prayer, love, and humility hold no great significance and produce no miracles until they become a living part of us through our own experience, aided by the sweet prompting of the Holy Spirit. In early life I found that I could learn gospel teachings intellectually and, through the power of reason and analysis, recognize that they were of significant value.

"But their enormous power and ability to stretch me beyond the limits of my imagination and capacity did not become reality until patient, consistent practice allowed the Holy Spirit to distill and expand their meaning in my heart. I found that while I was sincerely serving others, God forged my personal character. He engendered a growing capacity to recognize the direction of the Spirit. The genius of the gospel plan is that by doing those things the Lord counsels us to do, we are given every understanding and every capacity necessary to provide peace and rich fulfillment in this life. Likewise, we gain the preparation necessary for eternal happiness in the presence of the Lord."

What a wonderful promise! and assurance. I WANT that- I want to take the concepts of faith, prayer, love, and humility-- especially faith, and have it produce miracles in my life. SO HOW do we do that?

Elder Scott said: "true faith, faith unto salvation, is centered on the Lord Jesus Christ, faith in His doctrines and teachings, faith in the prophetic guidance of the Lord’s anointed, faith in the capacity to discover hidden characteristics and traits that can transform life. Truly, faith in the Savior is a principle of action and power."

Elder Richard C. Edgeley said:
"Because of the conflicts and challenges we face in today’s world, I wish to suggest a single choice—a choice of peace and protection and a choice that is appropriate for all. That choice is faith. Be aware that faith is not a free gift given without thought, desire, or effort. It does not come as the dew falls from heaven. The Savior said, “Come unto me” (Matthew 11:28) and “Knock, and it shall be [given] you” (Matthew 7:7). These are action verbs—come, knock. They
are choices. So I say, choose faith. Choose faith over doubt, choose faith over fear, choose faith over the unknown and the unseen, and choose faith over pessimism."

His talk is titled, "Faith- the Choice is yours." He tells us that it is our responsibility to develop our own faith. He also says that we are responsible for our lack of faith as well, which depending on where we are, can be daunting! As real life has come at me, as it does to each one of us, I have not always CHOSEN faith-- I have looked for other sources to satisfy me with happiness. fill the aching voids inside of me. But I have always come back. The reason I have always come back is simple. MY SAVIOR.

I truly know that Jesus Christ LOVES me. He is the physician for the sick. True peace of mind and healing for the soul comes only through Him.

These words from Elder Garret W. Gong truly resconate in my heart. He said:
"Having dwelt in flesh and subjected the flesh to the will of the Father, our Savior knows how to succor us, His people, in our pains, afflictions, temptations, sicknesses, even death. Having “descended below all things,” our Savior can bear our griefs and carry our sorrows. “He was wounded for our transgressions, … bruised for our iniquities … ; [with our Savior’s] stripes we are healed.

"From the councils in heaven, our Savior sought only to do His Father’s will... “He that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.” The world pursues enlightened self-interest. Yet the power is not in us to save ourselves. But it is in Him. Infinite and eternal, only our Savior’s Atonement transcends time and space to swallow up death, anger, bitterness, unfairness,
loneliness, and heartbreak.

"Sometimes things go wrong even though we have done our very best. A Lamb innocent and pure, our Savior weeps with and for us."

I think of the many times in my life when I have wept, truly wept... I know He was there with me! Or waiting just outside the door waiting for me to let him in so he could comfort me...

"When we always remember Him, He can stand with us “at all times and in all things, and in all places that [we] may be in.” His “faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.” In drawing us to Him, our Savior also draws us to our Father in Heaven. While some things are imperfect on earth, we can trust our Heavenly Father to complete “redemption’s grand design, where justice, love, and mercy meet in harmony divine!”

I know that we cannot live passive lives! Our faith in Jesus Christ must be a choice we make every day! To obey, to study His word, to serve others. This is our responsibility and privilege.

Elder Neil L. Anderson said: "As we follow the Savior, without question there will be challenges that confront us. Approached with faith, these refining experiences bring a deeper conversion of the Savior’s reality. Approached in a worldly way, these same experiences cloud our view and weaken our resolve. Some we love and admire slip from the strait and narrow path and “[walk] no more with him...”

"In our weakened moments, the adversary seeks to steal our spiritual promises. If we are not watchful, our injured, childlike spirit will retreat back into the cold, dark crust of our former bloated ego, leaving behind the warm, healing light of the Savior...."

President Monson has promised, “Your testimony, when constantly nourished, will keep you safe.” We push our spiritual roots deep, feasting daily on the words of Christ in the scriptures. We trust in the words of living prophets, placed before us to show us the way. We pray and pray and listen to the quiet voice of the Holy Ghost that leads us along and speaks peace to our soul. Whatever challenges arise, we never, never leave Him.

In John 6, The Savior asked His Apostles, “Will ye also go away?”

Peter answered: “Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life.

“… We believe and are sure that thou art that Christ, the Son of the living God.”

When I have struggled with my faith and considered "going another way," I realize that I KNOW there IS no other way to truly find happiness.

I want to conclude with these words from Elder Gong that have gotten me through a lot, just in the last five months since I first heard them:

"The world is in commotion, but in His “only true and living Church,” there is faith and no fear. In the words of the Apostle Paul, I also solemnly testify:

“For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, …

“Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

I humbly witness: God lives. He “shall wipe away all tears from [our] eyes” —except the tears of joy when we see through temple mirrors of eternity and find ourselves home, pure and clean, our family generations sealed by priesthood authority in love, to shout, “Hosanna, hosanna, hosanna."

I testify that I know that God's love is real. Our Savior is waiting to comfort us. In the name of Jesus Christ amen.

Day Light Wasted Times

2011-03-14T21:06:00.000-07:00

In an effort to motivate myself to spend more time in my room and bed, as opposed to staying up late and falling asleep on the couch, I did a little bedroom redecorating! I'm VERY pleased with the results!Finnegan is pleased as well. He believes that this knew blanket (which is sooo soft) was made solely for him and ONLY him. Usually, I don't have the heart to take it from him! but then resent him for it... yeah, that's how my brain works. It's healthy, I know.
Below is a pic of Eliza in the Anne Taylor Loft store-- all decked out in bling... I think the stuff she was wearing totaled over $200. Decking herself out in jewelry is a favorite hobby of her, which if we're in Wal-Mart or Dollar Tree, is no big deal! Here, I insisted she move very slowly, but I still let her try them on and look at herself in the mirror.
Eliza's doing wonderfully! She is still inviting everyone to her birthday and has been for the last month and a half. On our drive up to and down from Maryland, I think she invited easily a dozen gas attendants and McDonald's/Chic-Fil-A/Wendy's workers. Today she invited my doctor, last week she invited our home teacher, a lady at the bank who's name was also Eliza, the check-out clerk, a waiter, the Clinique lady at Belk who gave her some lip gloss, a little girl who was at the park, etc. etc. It should be a fun party!

But if she's invited you, it's because she thinks you're really really special and the party wouldn't be the same without you! ;)One funny conversation I had with Eliza today went like this-
Eliza: "Mom, I'm going to tell you a secret. I mean, it's not a secret, but I'm going to whisper it."
Me: "Okay."
Eliza: "[loud breathing in my ear. Eliza speaking huskily because she doesn't know how to whisper very well] Mom, watch out for Leprechauns. They'll try to trick you."
Me: "Oh yeah? Where did you hear about Leprechauns."
Eliza: [still whispering] "At school. In a book. But they'll try to trick you if you're not looking, but if you see them, then you win. But if you don't, you lose."

Then we pretended that I was wearing various combinations of colors that didn't include green, and Eliza would pretend to pinch me and then Roar with laughter when I would say Ouch!

So... Happy St. Patrick's Day!

However, boo to Day Light Savings! Booooo. As if I wasn't already ridiculously behind on things. Now I lost an hour.

Peanut, Peanut Butter and Pine Cone!

2011-01-22T19:54:00.000-08:00

Eliza picked up a pine cone on our walk today, which reminded me of a favorite crafty activity from my kidd-o days!

Cover the pine cone in peanut butter then roll it in bird seed, and you have a homemade bird feeder!

Eliza mostly just ate the peanut butter but helped spread it on the pine cone a little bit and otherwise encouraged me as well!

She's a girl of great extremes-- she's definitely not a "laid back" personality. She's either running around singing at the top of her lungs talking about how much she loves everybody and kissing everyone she meets OR she's in total melt down mode, flipping out sobbing and making threats at me, kicking/screaming sort of stuff. (A bit of exaggeration, obviously, but it does happen.)

I love her passion, and I love that she seems so strong-willed... to a certain extent. However, when her strong will edges into stubbornness, it's such a struggle to deal with. I love her dearly, and I see so much of myself in her, so it's hard to blame her for her personality. However, I also need to give her boundaries. Trouble with that is, though, is that it appears that she does not receive consistent boundaries at her other abode.

As Eliza/Madeline would say, "Poo-Poo."

So Eliza usually has to have at least one big break down and subsequent time out (3 minutes and then see if she's ready to say sorry) /removal of privileges (no movie today or no Disney Scene-It game) when she comes back to my place after spending a longer than usual amount of time with her dad... like a long MLK weekend, for example. Welcome Home, Eliza.

I'm glad kids are resilient.

Thankfully, after the huge tantrum, and her finally saying sorry, she seems to chill out and do much better respecting the rules without having a fit every time.

On a happier note, Eliza and I had a blast at our friends' house today celebrating J.'s bday with their family and friends!

Eliza is just SO in love with H., even though she's almost 2 years older than her. She's a sweetheart. I also love that when we hang out with H's younger brother and Nicole's son, Eliza gets some boy friend time too! It's funny to think of how these four cuties will be like ten years from now!!!

Have a good weekend everyone!

My new favorite song/video

2011-01-19T20:03:00.000-08:00

There's so much I love about this video!

I also love showing it to Eliza! I thought it might inspire her to let me do her hair without so much whining- hehe.

Plus, the song has clean lyrics, awesome dancing, and a VERY fun sound to it!

Maybe the mad hip hop dance skills could rub off on us... but Eliza went straight back to humming and dancing ballet.

Next step for brain washing my daughter into choosing the "best" extra curricular activities in her future:

I've started telling Eliza stories about soccer games I played in. It made me miss soccer a lot. I REALLY hope Eliza wants to do soccer when she's old enough!!! But ultimately, I will let her choose her own path... I just hope it's not too boring (selfish!).

Snowed in and loving it!

2011-01-10T08:09:00.000-08:00

Somehow, it bizarrely snowed here in SC -- again! This is the second time this winter. Eliza's school was canceled and so was my work! Woo-hoo!

Snow can't even keep her off the swing!

Backyard snow expedition!

Defrosting time!

We were about to go out on a walk in the neighborhood when Eliza said her feet were "burning." Maybe we'll head back out again after lunch!

Getting to know Eliza!

2011-01-09T20:17:00.001-08:00

For those of you who haven't heard this news already, you probably want to sit down-- it's pretty big stuff!

~~~~~Eliza.is.a.SUNBEAM.~~~~~~~

Err, for those of you who don't speak Mormon jargon, the translation is that Eliza moved up from the church nursery (baby class) to the Primary (kids age 3ish to 11). Her specific Primary class is called the Sunbeams!

I can't believe it! She's been doing pretty well, as far as I know. At least she hasn't been pulled out for any temper tantrums, accidents involving bodily fluids, or for biting, punching, scratching, or fighting with other children! SUCCESS!

Anyways, at the primary activity that we only made it to for the last 5 minutes or so yesterday, the primary leader handed me a paper with questions on it to fill out with Eliza. It's a Get to Know You Questionnaire. I think that maybe they use it to do the spotlights in Primary too? You know the game where everyone is told to stand up, and the teacher starts giving hints, "This person's favorite color is purple... This person was born in Virginia.. This person has blue eyes, etc." I used to LOVE that game!

So I started to ask Eliza the questions and thought it might be fun to share some of the answers. Since Eliza only has the attention span of a 3 1/2 yr old, though, we only made it through like half the questions.

Q #1: "What is your favorite ice cream?
A #1: "Chocolate!"

Q #2: "What is your favorite temple?"
A #2: "I've never been to a temple so I don't have a favorite."
Me: "Oh, ok." as I write down the Columbia Temple on her paper... Oops! We'll, uhh, make it her favorite before we turn in the paper....

Q #3: "What is your favorite primary song?"
A #3: Starts singing: "Lead me, guide me ::pause:: and He loves me because I'm a child of God..."
Me: "I am a Child of God?"
Eliza: "Yeah."
Me: "You really like "Follow the Prophet" and "Book of Mormon Stories too, huh?"
Eliza: "Mom, I'll be Rapunzel and you be her mean mother who stole her as a baby."

Q #4: "What is your favorite cereal?
A #4: "Captain Crunch."

Q #5: "What is your favorite holiday?"
A #5: "Christmas. Mom you be Santa, and I'll be a kid who tells you what present I want..."
.
Q #6: "What is your favorite crayon color?"
A #6: "Purple. That's my favorite one to draw with! Always and every time!"

(Newly discovered boots with purple tutu = ready to go out to play in the cold!)

Q #7: "If you could be any animal, what animal would you be?"
Q #7: "Aaaaa ZEBRAAAA! Mom, pretend that you're the mommy zebra, and I'll be the kid zebra. And I'll be the kid zebra taking a nap and you wake me up, but I'm going to be a talking zebra too..."

Q #8: "What is your favorite scripture story?"
Q #8: "............... umm, I think Daniel. Daniel and the lions."

Q #9: "What is your favorite game to play?"
Q #9: "I think Candy Land."
(Side bar- She gets mad every time we play this game and we RARELY actually make it through this game before she gets too impatient, gives up, or starts cheating... not sure that constitutes a favorite in my mind.)

So there's Eliza questions 1-9, she got stuck on the question that asked what her favorite day of the week was. She couldn't pick just one and after quite a long conversation about it and suggestions from me, Oma, and Aunt Abby, Eliza decided that she likes all the days! I chose Saturday, Abby chose Friday, and I can't remember what Mom chose. Probably Monday cause she's so hard core!

Thanks for getting to know Eliza! I'll publish more when I can borrow some more of Eliza's attention away from the constant stream of "pretend" scenarios she wants to act out.

That's my burning question for anyone out there in the universe who has an answer:

How long will this pretend play last? Will it EVER END!?

I recall wondering if the stage where she asked, "Why?" to everything would ever end, but it did after maybe 6 months or so?

Mom quickly googled "pretend play" the other night, and the page she pulled up talked about it peaking at age 6-8. Seriously? Please tell me they're wrong!!! I can't handle another 3 to 5 years of this!

I remember telling a friend last June that I was just SO sick of playing pretend ALL THE TIME. And here we are seven months later still going strong-- maybe even Stronger!" Ahhh!

Me: "Eliza, did you want pears or peaches with your lunch?"
Eliza: "Mom! I'm STILL Cinderella!"
Me: "Ugh. Cinderella? Would you like pears or peaches for lunch?"
Eliza/Cinderella: "I want a banana..."

Don't get me wrong. I'm very impressed with her creativity, and I just LOVE that she has an imagination. But... at what point has it gone too far?

Maybe I sound like a bad mom for complaining about this. Honestly, some of the stuff she comes up with is pretty amazing! but other times, I think I'm going to go crazy if I have to play pretend Santa Claus one more time... or Rapunzel and Flynn Rider ... or any of the princesses with their respective princes! Curse you, Disney!

(I shake my cyber fist at you.)

Home Visits

2010-12-29T19:48:00.000-08:00

I had two home visits to do today at work.

At one of them the little 18 month old girl hid in the kitchen and would only peek around the corner at me occasionally. I've interacted with her every week for months now, but she looked so scared. As I looked down at a pamphlet her mom had given me, the little girl snuck out from the kitchen and climbed into her mother's lap where she held a little Elmo book that I had brought for her. Her face was expressionless. No one at The Nurturing Center has ever heard this little girl speak before. There's a lot of violence that goes on in her home... so I think she's spent a lot of her little life peeking out from the kitchen corner...

The mom asked indirectly if we had any milk at The Nurturing Center, which we don't during break. When I told her we didn't, she said, "Oh..." and got quiet. Then she said that they didn't have any milk to give her daughter and didn't have any food in the house and her WIC wouldn't come on again until the next week. So I'd like to thank all of you who gave me money for Christmas because today I spent it all on groceries for this family.

At the other home visit I did was to a family who lives in one of the housing projects in Columbia. The little two year old boy was hilarious. And when she let him out of the Pak'n'Play, play pen after I came in, he was boppin' around the place and bringing me different things like cough medicine that he found on the ground, the tv remote which his mom yelled at him about, and some shredded paper he had gotten his hands on. His mom is quite the talker and very animated as she speaks. So at one point while she was talking to me about her job search and goals, he climbed onto the couch between us and starting babbling in the same tone as his mom and adamantly motioning his arms in JUST the same way as his mom did. The mom didn't seem to notice, but I was trying REALLY hard to not crack up and pay attention to what she was saying and also because I was worried that his mom might get mad at him. Sooo funny, though.

In the mean time, Eliza spent the day with her Oma! When I pulled up in the driveway, Eliza came running out to my car barefoot and beaming and shouted, "Mom! I'm sooo glad you came home!"

I love her SO much. I'm going to spend all day with her tomorrow. Someday maybe I'll catch up with work? I hope!!!

Not mine to keep...

2010-12-26T21:39:00.000-08:00

Eliza's finally sleeping in her own bed.

I stared over her for probably a good five minutes, just watching the blankets that covered her up to her chin rise and fall with her breath.

I am so glad she's back, and the thought came to me, "and I'll never let him take her from me again."

But that's not true. I'll continue to let him take her every week for a few days and on several vacations every year as well... and my heart will break every time.

It's gotten easier since last year-- in the way that it gets easier to keep tearing your skin on the soles of your feet from pounding them on the pavement over and over. Then you grow callouses. It starts to take a moment longer before you realize that something sharp just poked you. My heart has that calloused scar tissue around it... it makes it easier... because now it is harder to feel the pain, but harder to feel the joy and happiness as well. But what else can I do?

I'll just keep loving her as much as possible when she is mine to keep-- to bathe, to dress, to hug, kiss and snuggle, laugh and giggle with, tickle and teach-- and I'll just hope that my callouses don't prevent me from giving her all that she needs from me.

Part of me hopes that she'll wake up tonight and come climb into my bed with me like she does sometimes. I ache to feel her arms around me.

She was already asleep when he finally brought her over tonight -12:30am! So all I got to do was whisper to her that it was okay to lie down and sleep while wrestling a pull-up onto her before I tucked her into bed.

... so I'll leave my door cracked open.

Merry Pre-Christmas

2010-12-24T23:41:00.000-08:00

Eliza is spending this week in Utah with her Dad-- he has her through the 26th. It's been very upsetting for me to not have my daughter with me on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Unfortunately, he also booked a flight that makes it so Eliza won't get back to me until around 8pm Sunday night which is 2 hours past the court ordered custody agreement. I've been pretty peeved about that. I was allowed to have Eliza for Christmas last year, but I allowed her dad to pick her up Christmas evening... to be nice and believing that it was best for Eliza to get to share Christmas with both parents. Unfortunately, the favor was not returned. So Bah-humbug and let's get on to the good stuff!!!

We tried to add in as much Christmas festivity before Eliza left.
Gingerbread House Construction / Consumption!

I let Eliza open her "big" present before she left for Utah.
She was pretty ecstatic:

I got a deal on Black Friday for this Disney Princess Collection of like 7 barbies or something (I've fully entered the dark side of Princesses apparently!).

And If I do say so myself, Eliza looked pretty stinkin' adorable in her Sunday Christmas dress, bow, and her new hair cut (we took off like 2 inches!).

We shared in the fun and gave out the presents that Eliza and I had chosen for Katy, Reuben, and Eliza since they will probably be gone before Eliza gets back.Merry Pre-Christmas!

Christmas Cousins

2010-12-23T23:22:00.001-08:00

Dancing to The Nutcracker:Cooking with Oma:

Apparently Miriam likes to sleep on people:

The Tonight Show with Eliza Mae

2010-11-26T21:56:00.000-08:00

Oh how I love to peek into Eliza's room and see this scene! Especially because it zaps any of the energy I have left by 7pm to actually get her to this point.

Bedtime has allowed me to truly relate to the phrase, "It's like pulling teeth."

And now I'm too tired to write about it.

One of the hard parts of being trained as a therapist or social worker is that as I raise my child trying to discipline her in the "healthiest" way possible, I also have in the back of my mind, "What parts of these memories will come back to her as trauma when she's 19 years old talking to her therapist about how her parents ruined her life."

Like tonight when she screamed and cried for about an hour. It all started when she yelled from the back of the car, "Give me my toy NOW, Mom!"

Long story short, I wouldn't give her the McDonald's toy without a "Please." And although she hadn't stopped tantruming from the toy issue, I still made her take a bath and get ready for bed. The whole while she screamed, "But I'm HUNGRY! Mama! I'm STARVING! My stomach doesn't have ANY food in it!" (her stomach had chicken nuggets and apples slices in it)

So basically, I can just imagine tonight being one of Eliza's first uncovered memories as she does some Rational Emotive Therapy where she is trying to uncover the roots of her eating disorder... "I remember a night where my mother was pouring water on me while I was standing in the bath yelling and sobbing to her that I was starving, and she told me too bad, you had your chance to eat earlier, and then poured another bucket of water over me."

Fortunately, story time finally got her calmed down and relaxed in bed and asleep by 8pm. ::deep sigh of relief::

On a similar bedtime note, I think that if someone ever witnessed or recorded me reading bedtime stories to Eliza it would be INSANE because some nights I start falling asleep while I read. But even though I'm falling asleep I keep trying to read. AND I start dreaming! So I start adding in words from my dream. For example, as I was reading a story to Eliza about clams, I remember waking up to myself saying the words Japanese, fulfillment, and alcoholic. A few other times, I "woke" up to Eliza shouting at me, "I can't understand you!" even though I thought I was still reading the books to her, I guess I was mumbling unintelligibly. So sleepy...

I love you, Eliza!

Thanksgiving Day, Oh Mr. Turkey Fat and Gray: Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble Gobble*

2010-11-26T21:46:00.000-08:00

It ended like this:

So you know it had to be a good Thanksgiving! Eliza brought the party with her!

Also she has this thing about wanting to wear less and less clothing as the day goes by. Usually I pick her up from school and at least ONE thing is missing- tights, socks, hair bow. Always a surprise! Yay for an independent 3 year old!

Anyways, Thanksgiving was pretty chill here. I rearranged my room! Seems silly now that I look back to find a NEW project to start just because I'm not going to work, but there's something nice about refurbishing your environment!

Mom, Dad, Abby, and Uncle Don started off Thanksgiving day with a bang- the Turkey Trot. Running early in the Morn!

I did not join them. I stayed in my warm comfy bed!

We all signed up for different cooking assignments so that the task of Thanksgiving dinner or The FEAST as Eliza called it, didn't all fall on one person.

I did cranberry sauce. I did a regular version and a version where I added in citrus juice, fresh diced pears, and crystallized ginger. It was scrumptious! I also made sweet potatoes and a chocolate truffle pie. I was going to make the fresh collards that I inherited from work but we ran out of time. Who knew making collards took well over an hour?? We didn't! We're going to try to make them on Sunday.

But we had plenty of food otherwise!

Abby did fresh green beans, homemade bread, and apple pie. She's become quite the baker!!!

Mom made squash casserole, 2 types of stuffing (don't ask me what type, I don't do stuffing), the turkey with Dad, and over saw the over-all production!

Dad also did the mashed potatoes and did multiple runs to the grocery store for us!

Oma made a delish greek salad and homemade salad dressing- Yummy!

Uncle Don did the corn**
We also had our good family friend, Ron,(not Dad) join us for dinner too. He brought a cheerful tone to the dinner!

Dad made a toast and clinked our sparkling red grape juice filled glasses per tradition. Then Mom claimed that we had a tradition of going around the table and each naming a thing we were grateful for from the consecutive letters of the alphabet. Some of us did not recall EVER doing this tradition before, but it was fun and brought some creativity! Somehow I ended up with the letter Q and X...

Eliza barely ate any of the dinner. I think she might have taken one bite of turkey and otherwise only had homemade bread. She loves Abby's bread! Someday I hope she'll eat more than chicken nuggets, pizza, and Nutella sandwiches....

I peer pressured Mom and Abby into playing Princess Jr. Monopoly with Eliza and me after dinner. You get to buy castles! Mom shook her head disapprovingly when she got the Chance card to purchase Prince Charming. He was on sale for only $4! Not a bad bargain!Friday night was my favorite--- GAME NIGHT! We each picked a game- Guesstures, Disney Scene It, Taboo, Apples to Apples, Things, and Wii Resport! No matter what we played, I'm pretty sure I won every time. Yeah, that sounds about right! :D

Happy Gobble Day!

*Header comes from a Thanxgiving Joy School Song that we've ALL had stuck in our heads this last week!
**Corn story is a good one that you can ask someone else about.

Meet the little black dog named Zara

2010-11-26T21:42:00.000-08:00

My daughter does weird stuff... and so I take pictures of it!

And below is a picture that she took of her dear friend:

Poor Zara looks justifiably scared....

Zara is a very sweet dog.

Eliza is a very sweet girl.

Zara will follow Eliza around as long as Eliza gives her any attention (positive or negative).

Eliza loves to PLAY with Zara.

Zara loves when Eliza opens the screen doors and loves to slip outside before anyone can try to stop here.

Eliza hates when Zara does that.

Zara loves to attack Eliza's stuffed animals and ball-shaped toys and drags them out the doggy door. So does Orah (the big white poodle).

Eliza hates that.

Zara loves to eat off of Eliza's plate.

Eliza hates when Zara does that or even sniffs near her plate while she's eating her food at the table, UNLESS Eliza decides she wants to share it with Zara, then she tries to give Zara her left-overs after every meal, every day, no matter what the food was-- broccoli, pears, chocolate = fail. Meat, breads, cheese = LOVE.

Zara loves when Eliza comes home. Especially when Eliza's been gone for a couple days at her Dad's house.

Eliza loves to run around CRAZY and have Zara "chase" after her all crazy. It's HILARIOUS to watch... until someone gets hurt or loses an eye.

Zara loves walks with Eliza, but not as much when Eliza's the one holding her leash...

Eliza loves to bully Zara... and then Eliza hates going on time-out.

It's a Love/Hate relationship...

... and I'd say it's the closest thing Eliza has to a younger sibling!

Thank ya kindly for...

2010-11-25T18:28:00.000-08:00

Burts Bees Lip Balm
Eliza
Sweet potatoes
Cranberry sauce
Skype
FAMILY
Dora pajamas
Lavendar "stress relief" body wash
My old clunker of a car
Mood stabilizers
the Wii
Netflix Watch Now
Time to reorganize all of Eliza and my clothes
This home I live in and have been welcomed into undeservingly.
My Finnegan Kitty
Chocolate
Employment
My calling as a Young Women's Laurel Teacher
Sweaters & Hoodies- LOVE EM!
Teva's
That it was in the 70's today
The beautiful colored leaves that surround our house
My morning walks with Eliza before school
Silly poodles
The kitchen timer.

Saga II: Thanksgiving Eve

2010-11-24T23:13:00.000-08:00

Work was a blur today.

It was scheduled as just a half-day for services so the buses were taking people home at noon instead of 2pm.

I had planned on working a full day and thought that everyone else had planned that as well. However, by the time 1pm rolled around, only 3 of my co-workers remained in the building. Wow.

I still had to deliver Thanksgiving meals to two families so after unsuccessfully trying to get a hold of some DSS caseworkers and finding out that all the caseworkers were already on Thanksgiving break, I delivered meals in some ghetto areas of Columbia.

I saw a couple prostitutes on one corner off North Main St., and two guys getting arrested just two blocks away as well. The public housing that I made a delivery in actually looked pretty nice, though, compared to some of the other public housing I've done home visits at lately.

One of my clients gave me a $72 handbag today. She said she saw it and thought of me. Not sure what to do about that... I'm more of a Timbuk2 shoulder bag kinda gal. Not sure if I could pull off wearing a black, less-than-appropriately-gifted Nine West bag that I'm pretty sure was bought with drug money.

I went home after the deliveries and took a 3 hour nap. It was glorious.

Abby had watched Eliza in the morning because neither of them had school, and then Eliza's dad picked up Eliza after he got off work around 1pm. I get her back tomorrow around 3pm for Thanksgiving dinner!! Yay!

After my nap, I discovered that my Uncle Don had arrived for his Thanksgiving visit. I baked some sweet potatoes and mashed them up, cooked two batches of cranberry sauce, washed dishes, and baked a pie crust for the chocolate truffle pie I'm making. The kitchen already smells wonderful.

Question: Why do we use stupid clothes and make the task of laundrying the clothes never ending?
Answer: Because we all should wear daily disposable, biodegradable opaque plastics and stop this clothing charade. Yeah... Capitalists probably love the clothing industry.

So it's 2am, and I'm awake blogging. I don't think this bodes well for me waking up early to join Dad, Abby, and Mom on a Turkey Trot Race tomorrow morning. We'll see...

It's slumber time.

Before the Pearly Gates

2010-11-24T23:09:00.000-08:00

My favorite band of all time, Radiohead, has a song on their latest album called Videotape.

It starts out saying, "When I'm at the pearly gates This'll be on my videotape..."

I love this song and love the concept of considering what of my life might be on MY "videotape" when my time on this planet is all done with.

I would like to use this squeaky clean new blog to share preview clips of what will surely be included in my life's videotape.

And since my life is SO interesting and I'm such a fascinating specimen, I'm sure everyone has just been dying to get a daily update about how it all goes down-- ESPECIALLY since my life is so intricately entwined with the fabulous Eliza Mae.

So I'll just go ahead and say... You're welcome.