Home Visits

I had two home visits to do today at work.

At one of them the little 18 month old girl hid in the kitchen and would only peek around the corner at me occasionally. I've interacted with her every week for months now, but she looked so scared. As I looked down at a pamphlet her mom had given me, the little girl snuck out from the kitchen and climbed into her mother's lap where she held a little Elmo book that I had brought for her. Her face was expressionless. No one at The Nurturing Center has ever heard this little girl speak before. There's a lot of violence that goes on in her home... so I think she's spent a lot of her little life peeking out from the kitchen corner...

The mom asked indirectly if we had any milk at The Nurturing Center, which we don't during break. When I told her we didn't, she said, "Oh..." and got quiet. Then she said that they didn't have any milk to give her daughter and didn't have any food in the house and her WIC wouldn't come on again until the next week. So I'd like to thank all of you who gave me money for Christmas because today I spent it all on groceries for this family.

At the other home visit I did was to a family who lives in one of the housing projects in Columbia. The little two year old boy was hilarious. And when she let him out of the Pak'n'Play, play pen after I came in, he was boppin' around the place and bringing me different things like cough medicine that he found on the ground, the tv remote which his mom yelled at him about, and some shredded paper he had gotten his hands on. His mom is quite the talker and very animated as she speaks. So at one point while she was talking to me about her job search and goals, he climbed onto the couch between us and starting babbling in the same tone as his mom and adamantly motioning his arms in JUST the same way as his mom did. The mom didn't seem to notice, but I was trying REALLY hard to not crack up and pay attention to what she was saying and also because I was worried that his mom might get mad at him. Sooo funny, though.

In the mean time, Eliza spent the day with her Oma! When I pulled up in the driveway, Eliza came running out to my car barefoot and beaming and shouted, "Mom! I'm sooo glad you came home!"

I love her SO much. I'm going to spend all day with her tomorrow. Someday maybe I'll catch up with work? I hope!!!

Not mine to keep...

Eliza's finally sleeping in her own bed.

I stared over her for probably a good five minutes, just watching the blankets that covered her up to her chin rise and fall with her breath.

I am so glad she's back, and the thought came to me, "and I'll never let him take her from me again."

But that's not true. I'll continue to let him take her every week for a few days and on several vacations every year as well... and my heart will break every time.

It's gotten easier since last year-- in the way that it gets easier to keep tearing your skin on the soles of your feet from pounding them on the pavement over and over. Then you grow callouses. It starts to take a moment longer before you realize that something sharp just poked you. My heart has that calloused scar tissue around it... it makes it easier... because now it is harder to feel the pain, but harder to feel the joy and happiness as well. But what else can I do?

I'll just keep loving her as much as possible when she is mine to keep-- to bathe, to dress, to hug, kiss and snuggle, laugh and giggle with, tickle and teach-- and I'll just hope that my callouses don't prevent me from giving her all that she needs from me.

Part of me hopes that she'll wake up tonight and come climb into my bed with me like she does sometimes. I ache to feel her arms around me.

She was already asleep when he finally brought her over tonight -12:30am! So all I got to do was whisper to her that it was okay to lie down and sleep while wrestling a pull-up onto her before I tucked her into bed.

... so I'll leave my door cracked open.

Merry Pre-Christmas

Eliza is spending this week in Utah with her Dad-- he has her through the 26th. It's been very upsetting for me to not have my daughter with me on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Unfortunately, he also booked a flight that makes it so Eliza won't get back to me until around 8pm Sunday night which is 2 hours past the court ordered custody agreement. I've been pretty peeved about that. I was allowed to have Eliza for Christmas last year, but I allowed her dad to pick her up Christmas evening... to be nice and believing that it was best for Eliza to get to share Christmas with both parents. Unfortunately, the favor was not returned. So Bah-humbug and let's get on to the good stuff!!!

We tried to add in as much Christmas festivity before Eliza left.
Gingerbread House Construction / Consumption!

I let Eliza open her "big" present before she left for Utah.
She was pretty ecstatic:

I got a deal on Black Friday for this Disney Princess Collection of like 7 barbies or something (I've fully entered the dark side of Princesses apparently!).

And If I do say so myself, Eliza looked pretty stinkin' adorable in her Sunday Christmas dress, bow, and her new hair cut (we took off like 2 inches!).

We shared in the fun and gave out the presents that Eliza and I had chosen for Katy, Reuben, and Eliza since they will probably be gone before Eliza gets back.Merry Pre-Christmas!

Christmas Cousins

Dancing to The Nutcracker:Cooking with Oma:

Apparently Miriam likes to sleep on people: